Thursday, November 11, 2010

Adopt Again?

Laura left a question for me the other day:

"I want to know if you would ever consider adopting another child?"

Great question, Laura! And thanks for asking.  (I would love to "link" you, but you didn't link yourself!  Feel free to let us know where you blog (if you want to) in the comments!) 

So- would I adopt again?

Quick answer:  Sure!

More thought out answer:  Probably not.

Real answer:  No idea...

Avé asked me the other day, "Why we have no baby in this family?"  I tried to answer her by saying, "We DO have a baby in this family- YOU!  YOU are my baby!"  But she wasn't buying it.  She said she was a "BIG GIRL!" and asked again why we don't have a baby in this family.

Well, I do NOT plan on having any more babies- meaning pregnancies.  I'm no spring chicken, you know!  But would I adopt again?  Yes.  Absolutely.  On one condition.

I would have to really feel like God was asking us to do so.

That's my condition.  That's it.  If that's where He leads, we would be foolish not to follow.  I mean, when I try to imagine our lives without Avé... well... it just seems so sad!  It just seems like we would be missing out on so much!!!  And I've shared before that the reason we decided to adopt in the first place is because over 9 years ago I felt God drop the idea in my heart.

But for the moment I am not feeling led in that direction.  I did ask Av if she thought we should adopt a "baby" from Ethiopia and she said, "Yes."  (I would rather adopt an older child- toddler or above- rather than a baby.  Just FYI.)  I asked if she thought we should adopt a brother or a sister and she said, "Brother."  I told her, "You know that 'sister' means girl and 'brother' means boy, right?  So would you want a brother-boy, or a sister-girl?"  and again she said, "Brother."  Hmmmm...

I told her, "Well... go tell Daddy!"  :-)

Keep the questions coming!  Feel free to ask anything you like.


Mom~Mommy~Mama said...

Just curious how you think she will feel as she ages being the only child of color in your family if you don't adopt again. Like everything of significance in life, it's not a one size fits all answer but it's something I've read about on some adult adoptee blogs being an issue.

Gayla said...

Mom~Mommy~Mama, It's a great question and one that I have thought a lot about! Maybe I'll write my thoughts about it soon...

Thanks for commenting!

Sohailah said...

Well, I don't claim to know much, and maybe I'm WAY OFF BASE, but I think as Ave grows to understand the gift she was given of being brought into a home of love and stability, color won't matter much. Especially in this day and age. I think she already gets it much more than we're guessing (Gayla, I'm sure there is SO MUCH you could say about this, that I know nothing about) - but I'm just GUESSING the very fact that she wants one from Ethiopia has much less to do with her color and much more to do with her remembering the babies there. And wanting everyone else there to be as happy as she is...

not sure if that makes ANY sense,,,

Gayla said...

Soh- you have such a unique perspective being an adoptee yourself.

I appreciate that so much.

Mom~Mommy~Mama said...

Sohailah -
You may very well be right. However, I have read from many adoptees that it is/was a big issue to see another face of color in their family. Sadly, with the racism I've already seen my Ethiopian-born daughter face in her 2 years here, I don't think it matters the time period we're's more about individual personality. My daughter very much appreciates having another sibling of color, even though they are not the same color (one dark brown and one light brown). I don't know my light brown daughter's opinion on this yet since she's still identifying as silver and purple. Still, I'm always interested in various perspectives of transracial adoptees and adoptive parents, especially those with bio kids and transracially adopted kids.

Sohailah said...

Mom-Mommy-Mama, that's really interesting. Do you live here, in Tulsa? I am of Middle Eastern descent, and faced racism myself (although I was unable to identify it) living in Minnesota until I was 13. When we moved to Arizona, things became much more equal. But, I hear what you're saying as "within the family" - I guess bi-racial families may have to deal with it, too, but I also agree that it depends on the child.

Again, as an adoptee, with a really healthy understanding from the time I COULD understand how much my mommy and daddy did to get me, I always felt really special and really chosen.

Gayla said...

I love this conversation. Thanks to both of you for your input!!! THIS is how we all learn and grow. I truly appreciate it!

Selam! G'day! Hello!