FOUR

Wow. We are at 4 months. Average time to a toddler referral is... NOW. Longest waiting families currently on the list have waited 5 months... but all that means is that SOMETIME IN THE NEXT 60 DAYS WE ARE GOING TO GET OUR REFERRAL!!! (For those not steeped in the adoption vernacular, the referral is when the case worker from your agency calls you up and says, "I have news!" at which point you and your husband drop whatever it is you are doing immediately and rush home to sit in front of the computer at which point you call said case worker back and tell her that you are together in front of the computer and she then emails you the photos and bio info on your new child!!! So you can see... that referral is pretty important!!!!) (It still takes approximately 3-5 months from the point when you accept your referral before all is set for you to travel over to get your baby, though. But it's THE HUGE STEP we are all waiting for in this adoption process! Well, until we start waiting for her to get a court date in Ethiopia, and then to pass court, and then to get a date at the US Embassy in Addis Ababa, and then to get our travel dates... but first we gotta get that REFERRAL!)

I am so thankful for the place I am in right now- anyone who has read this blog longer than 5 minutes knows that I've had my fair share of freak outs during this process. I'm not saying they are gone for good... I'm sure just about the time I'm putting my family on a plane to Africa I shall have the biggest freak out of all, but as of right now, I'm feeling sooooo peaceful and soooooo excited! I honestly can't wait to see her face or their faces!

It's so tempting to imagine seeing her face for the first time in the pictures and bio info that will be emailed to us by our caseworker- it's so easy to imagine seeing those pics and falling in love. But I'm not putting any pressure on myself to feel any kind of instant magical connection when I first get the email with the pictures and bio information attached. I know some people do- and I think that is amazing and great and beautiful... but I don't want to feel like something is wrong if I don't instantly fall in love with a picture. I mean- who wouldn't hope for love at first sight in this circumstance, though, right? But I'm just going to try to take whatever my initial thoughts or feelings are and be okay with them. Whether or not I feel an instant connection with a picture, she is going to be my daughter! What do you think- those who have adopted before me- what did YOU feel when you first saw pictures of your child or children? Was your connection instant or did it grow over the days and weeks between when you first saw that face and the time to travel?

So... any guesses on the day we will get the call??? Any one want to place any bets??? What day do you think will be the...

...lucky day???

"Eh-NAY eh-NAH-tish nihn." (I am your Mommy) :-)

Guess what I've been trying to learn?

I've been using this....



...to try and learn a few phrases of this....



Let's just say that Amharic (the main language spoken in Ethiopia) is NOT an easy language. Thankfully the book comes with a CD, but it's still very difficult. I have signs with phrases and pronunciations all over the house. The funniest thing is... our girl may not even SPEAK Amharic! She may speak a tribal language and all this effort will be wasted. But oh, well. If you hear me walking around mumbling "Ah-meh-seh-guh NAH-loh" just say, "You're welcome."

Getting Closer!!!

Okay, I have been the lamest blogger in the world. I blame Facebook. Who can make the time to sit down and actually type out a complete thought or story when you can mini-blog 100 times/day if you want to??? But regardless, there really hasn't been anything to blog about on the adoption front. Still on the wait list... but...

The average wait time for a toddler referral is 4 months, and we will be at 4 months as of November 10th~!!! AVERAGE being the key word. Meaning that we COULD literally get a call tomorrow, or we COULD still be waiting in December. But either way... IT'S GETTING CLOSER!!!!

So today I did something I have NEVER done before. I was in Target and found these delightful little aisles full of things that are pink!!! Did you guys know these existed? I thought Target just sold Star Wars toys and Hot Wheels. But, no! There are so many things I have yet to discover! And then... there she was. On the shelf. Well, actually she was hanging from a plastic hook coming out of her head, but that's beside the point. There she was. Looking at me. And saying that she wanted to come live in my house and play with my LITTLE GIRL!!! So how could I refuse??? Internet, please meet the newest addition to the Gower Family:



Look at her lovely shiny dress! And her super fun yarn hair! Nothing like this has EVER lived in our house!!! Moms with daughters, tell me. Do pretty dollys like this ALWAYS call out to you when you browse through shops? And if so, which bank is the best one to get your loan from to support this habit???

...And so it begins...

Changes...

How do you know when God is trying to tell you something? How do you distinguish between reason and fear and the voice of the Holy Spirit? I wish I had a totally easy answer for those questions. But the truth is I get hung up sometimes- over thinking things and trying to reason with myself... when the bottom line is always PEACE. You have to go where there is peace.

Lately I have been thinking about the part of our story when I first felt like God was dropping the desire to adopt into my heart. I felt like I "heard" His voice. You know- not audible, but like a thought was dropped into my head that I knew didn't come from me. Bigger and better than the thoughts I think. An idea I wouldn't have come up with on my own, but feels right somehow. Anyway... when I heard that voice it said "...I want you to adopt a daughter." And that is what has been rolling around in my mind and heart lately. A daughter. Singular. A. One. Hmmmmmmm... Mick and I got the idea that as long as we were helping out one child we may as well help out two, and quite frankly, it's cheaper in the long run to adopt two at once than one now and one later. Plus we thought of how much it would mean to a child to have a blood sibling to grow up with. Plus then you wouldn't be the only child who looked like you in the family. Plus it would be so great to have this common culture and language and history... So many reasons we could think of that make it seem like a good, no a GREAT thing. But... But. That voice. A. Hmmmmmm...

So, I called our case worker Sara and discussed lots and lots and lots of things with her. And the end result is that we are still on the 'list' for siblings, but we are also on the 'list' for a single child. ...And then came the peace. So I know it was the right decision. And now I truly feel like it is in God's hands. Sara assured us that sometimes when people wait for either one the sibling call comes first. So who knows? All I know is that I needed the peace, and I got it when we put ourselves on the list for either. One child, two children... all that really matters is that it's God's plan.

New Shoes!

I'm completely ripping this post from Amy Bottomly (who I only know in the bloggy world)... but I don't think she'll mind! And Michelle will love this! I've already ordered mine- even though it's fall and I won't get to wear them for a long time. Black and GREEN, of course!


Have you seen these shoes?



They are by Sseko Designs. They are cute AND profit Ugandan women!

Here's a bit of their story:
The Ugandan school system is designed with a nine month gap between secondary school and university. These nine months are intended to allow time for students to earn money for tuition before continuing on to university. However, in an impoverished and male dominated society, many of these young women struggle to find fair work during this time.

Sseko Designs hires recent secondary school graduates for this nine month period to live and work together, while earning money that will go directly towards their university education. These women will not make sandals forever. They will go on to be doctors, lawyers, politicians, writers and teachers that will bring change and unification to a country divided and ravished by a 22 year-long war.

Sseko Designs is a for-profit enterprise that recognizes the power of business and responsible consumerism to support sustainable economic development, which in turn affects a country's educational, justice, and health care systems. The goal of Sseko Designs is two-fold: provide university tuition for these promising young women through a sustainable monthly income, while also contributing to the overall economic development of Uganda.

Although consumerism makes many empty promises, responsible and proactive consumerism has the ability to change lives. Like the lives of Mercy, Mary and Rebbecca.

Every sandal has a story. This story has only just begun, but with your help, it will be a story of hope, success and change



The shoes come in solids and pattern and look really cute. Read more about Sseko Designs on their website... there is more about their story, the women that are benefiting from the sales of the shoes right now, and their blog. Check it by clicking here.

Controversy!

I honestly don't MEAN to be a person who stirs up controversy. But like Maria in The Sound of Music, "I'm far too outspoken. It's one of my worst faults!" I actually love the fact that I have real friends from every end of the political spectrum- from super red to super blue, and that we can debate (mostly on facebook but also in 'real' life) about many subjects. I also love that I have real friends from every end of the spiritual spectrum- from atheists to pew jumpers. Now, that's not as easy to debate, but I do appreciate the fact that we can all listen to and respect each other's opinions and convictions. If you know me well at all you know that I am definitely a believer and am definitely independent in my political views.

As you may have guessed, I'm about to say something controversial! But... rather than say it in my own words, I'm going to completely cut and paste from someone else's blog. This woman and her husband have 10 children- at least 5 of which are adopted. (not sure of all the details... I just discovered her blog and haven't read all her back story...) What is this controversial statement that she and I are about to make together? Well... hold on to your pants...

I think every believer should adopt.

Really. I think you should. If you are living your life following the teachings of Jesus, I think you should. Not that I think non-believers shouldn't, just that I think believers are actually under a mandate to do it. The number one objection that comes into people's minds when adoption is brought up is cost. And I'm not trying to say that it is not a legitimate concern. BUT... God makes a way! When we started this journey we did NOT have $27,000 just sitting around in the bank waiting for us to find a good way to use it. But since we began we have had so many amazing things happen- from an UNREAL garage sale to friends just giving us large amounts of money to God dropping a great job in my lap!!! But I'm going to stop talking now and let my new blog friend Linny talk. She can say it better than me and she's already walked down this road many times over.



Rumbling around in my heart for weeks and it’s time to share some thoughts. Grab a cup of coffee (if yours works I am trying so hard not to be jealous)....and read on. The Memorial Box Monday post on Tuesday produced an onslaught of emails…..and I wrote a post a few weeks ago entitled, “Should a Single Woman Adopt?” and that post also stirred quite a response. Foremost on people’s mind, whether single or married is: How can I/we afford to adopt when we have no money? So let’s pick that one apart and see what God’s heart is.

Over the years I have had many, many people say to me, “I would love to adopt, but we can’t afford it.” I really have had to refrain myself, because without a response already being well thought out, anything that would pop into my head would have certainly appeared rude. So here and now, I just must set the record straight: We have never once had extra money sitting in the bank when we started any of our adoptions. Period.

So how exactly did we and do we afford these precious treasures??

First and foremost, we have to understand that God’s heart is for the orphan. His ear is bent toward their cry. His word says that pure religion is to care (action verb) for them. So why would He not provide for anyone wanting to bring home an orphan for the rest of his/her life? What parent says, “Daughter I want you to make dinner for our family and some guests but sorry, the cupboards are empty and so is the fridge and freezer.” God, our Father, has cupboards full and He wants to provide for those who are willing to say, “I will obey you and care for the orphan.”

So how is it that some afford to adopt and others can’t (or think they can’t)???? That’s really a loaded question, so please hear my heart…….I believe there are Biblical principles that we have to also consider. I believe that our lives here on planet Earth are for one purpose and only one purpose – to give our lives away sacrificially to others by honoring and glorifying Almighty God. Infact one of my most favorite books is “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. It starts with this: “It’s not about you.”

I think there are a few secret words that draw the line between those who can “afford to” and those who “can’t afford to”…..and they would be: "give up stuff" and "step out in faith". Some would call it “sacrifice” but I don’t. Sacrifice to me is what the martyrs in other countries are doing. For instance: Moving from a large home to a smaller one to get rid of mortgage debt is not a sacrifice. It’s most likely doing what we should have been doing all along.

Can I be real honest here?? Somewhere though along the way we have lost sight of what is required of us by God as a people. We have bought a lie (from the pit of hell) that it really is all about us. That we work hard and deserve such-n-such. Have I ever told you that I hate the word “deserve”? At the risk of offending everyone of my bloggy friends, forgive me, but: I/We: deserve a vacation, deserve our nails to be done, deserve dinner out, deserve a car with all the bells and whistles, deserve a bigger house, deserve a new set of golf clubs, heck, we deserve the golf membership, deserve an iphone (ouch), deserve our hair cut, deserve to have someone else color it, deserve that addition on our home, deserve a pedicure, deserve a life without interruptions, deserve quiet in the evening, deserve a full night’s sleep, deserve a break, deserve a latte’, we deserve, we deserve, we deserve.

In fact as I am typing this I just did a search on what exactly “de” means, cause I know what “serve” means….and “de” means “the opposite”….so basically my take on that is that when we think we “deserve” something we are not serving, but doing the opposite, “serving ourselves”. And sweet friends, there is nothing wrong with all those things, but when they are our focus, and we are not giving our lives away for others, then we are not pleasing Him, but merely pleasing ourselves, and that would be called “sin”. Whooooa, Linny, how can you call it SIN? “To him that knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” (James 4:17) Interpreted: if we know what we’re supposed to be doing, and yet we don’t….then yup, it’s sin.

I believe 100% that He planned us to SERVE others all the time. Every day. To give our lives away. To live without. To share what we do have with others – people we know and people we don’t. To live uncomfortably. To live AND give generously. To give our own things away, not just things we don't need anymore but things we love. To think about others above ourselves. Scripture says that in the end times “Men (and women) will be lovers of themselves.” Wow, if that doesn’t describe 2009??!?!!! In fact we even have tee-shirts in America that say, “It’s all About Me!” Yes, it is!! But it’s not supposed to be.

So how can we practically get back to where God wants us? How can we give our lives away? How can we afford to adopt? How can we afford to adopt in this economy?
For starters: Getting down on knees and repenting of misuse of time, money or talent. Asking God to give you the strength to change your standards, your desires, your “I deserve it” attitude. Then get up and look yourself in the mirror and say: From this day forward it’s no longer all about me but about giving my life away for Him.

Well what about the economy? Frankly friends, the economy means nothing to God. His word does not say, “If you have a deep bank account, adopt a child.” It doesn’t even say, “If you have a deep bank account, give some of it away generously.” Nor does it say, “If the economic predictions are great, adopt a child.” It just says we are to care for the orphan – period!

I have often prayed, “Your word says you ‘own the cattle on a thousand hills’ (Psalm 50:10), please sell a cow for us.” In the meantime, while we waited for His cow to sell, to show Him we mean business, we have done some of these practical things: moved to a smaller home to do away with a mortgage, sold beloved things, cut out things like cable, stopped going out to eat very often, decided to forego an addition and chose instead to remodel the existing space, bought used instead of new, etc.

And God has miraculously provided for each and every adoption, time and time again. We've even giving to others adopting in the midst of adopting ourselves. Now that might sound really crazy, but it's really a Biblical principle. See, scripture says, “to give to those in need”…..and at that very moment, we didn’t "need" the money…..we would need in the future, but we don’t need now. And each and every time God has provided – supernaturally!! What an adventure to live like this.....we wouldn't trade it for anything. Infact we plan to one day have a wall of pictures of the kids that we have helped bring home. Our "wall of fame" if you will. Precious little ones that we have had the privilege of having a tiny part of bringing home.....

When we were bringing Elijah and Elizabeth no one knew. We were keeping it secret. A man walked up to Dw and said, “I need to talk to you.” He stepped outside with him and the man said, “My wife and I feel we are supposed to give you this, we are not sure why.” Dw opened an envelope and there was a check for $15,000. Yes, you read that right. $15,000. We had never had such a thing happen. BUT God knew our need, He knows we are good stewards and so He generously poured through us.

Which brings me to that sticky subject of tithing. Even as I type “sticky” I laugh……Because it’s sticky only if you don’t believe in it or don’t want to believe in it. Anyway, I wrote a post about stewardship and tithing in the middle of the night just a few days before our fire. I remember sitting up in the loft, unable to sleep, I just had to share my heart on tithing and stewardship. You can read it here.

Having adopted (almost!) seven children and never having a slush fund for adoption, I am 100% convinced that He will provide for you too. Over the years we have, at times, had very small incomes in very small pastorates. We have also planted a church where we had no income. So over the years we really haven’t been banking away large amounts of money, ever!

Which makes me also wonder something crazy. Could it be that when we are giving our lives away that also means our resources? Could it even mean generously helping others financially? Couldn’t it mean helping those who are caring for the orphans in orphanages overseas (like Abby Tracy in Uganda, Bill & Lynsay in Ch*na, Bernie & Bennett in India, Kisses from Katie in Uganda, to name a few)…..or helping those who are currently adopting.

I often wonder: If I were an orphan what would I want (besides a mom & dad)….would I want people to give up “stuff” to provide for me…or is it okay for them to sit with their ‘stuff’ while I have nothing, not even food many days. When I try to walk a mile in someone else’s moccasins, I am compelled to act. I am compelled to give. I am compelled not to conform to what society says is “normal.” I am compelled to live radically. I am compelled to encourage others to do the same.

So how do we pay for an adoption in these economic times? We step out in faith. We don’t wait. Because “without faith it is impossible to please God.” I couldn’t be more convinced that God is watching to see if we are serious and when He sees you and me doing without and intentionally preparing to bring another one home THEN He will open the flood gates of heaven and sell a cow or two for you (and me)....and we will once again be reminded that He is the Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God despite economic forecasts and worldly reasoning!!! Yippee Jesus!! xo



...So there you have it. Before you think of filling up your home or your life with more things, consider not doing that and giving the money toward an adoption, an orphan, an orphanage... or ask God if He wants you to make room for one of those orphans in your home. But know before you ask... His answer will be YES! :-)

Amharic Language Book

Well, I just spent 10 minutes on youtube listening to an Ethiopian lady TRY to teach me a few phrases in Amharic... and all I learned is that "Thank You" has about 17 syllables and that I need much more help that that sweet lady has to offer!!! :-) Wowza. So... all of my fellow Ethiopian adoptive fams... tell me what I need to buy, try, read, watch, listen to... I know I need help! Point me in the right direction! I want to learn! I would love book recommendations and as well as some sort of audio to make sure that I am pronouncing things correctly. So... recommend away!!!