Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's already next year in Addis Ababa.

I'm a weepy mess.

It's crazy.  I keep telling myself to pull it together.

I found out yesterday that the package we sent to our little girl was not able to be delivered.  The kind people who were taking it to her for us had the great misfortune to have several pieces of their luggage lost- as in really lost and not found while they were in Ethiopia.  Can you imagine?  It must have been very frustrating as one of the bags had all the mom's things in it and another was full of humanitarian aid items for the foster care center.  And much less important than any of those things, our little package was also inside one of those bags.

The things inside the bag are replaceable and Rebecca has already agreed to take another package for us when she goes to pick up her baby girl in 10 days.  (Thanks!)  But it was just such a huge bummer to me.  I had been picturing our girl with that little puppy and with pictures of us and someone sitting down with her to explain that these were her brothers and this was her mommy and daddy...  Okay, crying again.

Really, more than for her, the package was for US.  It was for us to feel a connection to her.  I mean, she's 2.  She might like the puppy, someone might put the clothes on her, she might flip through the photo book... but then she'll be off to play with her friends and do her 2 year old things.  The idea is really just for US to feel like she can hold in her hands something that we have held in ours until we can all be together and hold each other.

But no big deal, right???  She'll still have something from us in less than 2 weeks, so why all the fuss, Gayla???  Take it down a notch or two for Pete's sake!!!

But I just keep looking at her pictures- in particular the one where she is frowning at the camera and there are tiny tears starting to form in her eyes... and I read the referral report about her where it says she is "a very courageous girl" and I know that that really means that she is frightened and scared and unhappy, but doing a fair job managing it all.  And I just WEEP.

Okay.  Time to change my focus.  Tonight my husband and I are running a 5K at midnight ("Race Into the New Year"- I blame my friend Jill for getting me into this insanity) under a blue moon (2nd full moon in a month- very special!  especially on New Year's Eve!) and tomorrow we will start the year 2010- the year in which we will get to add a daughter and sister to our family.  We will hopefully get an update about her from our agency on Monday or Tuesday of next week, and hopefully be finding out about her court date within the next few weeks as well, and Rebecca will take our package and possibly even pics of our girl in a couple of weeks.  So... I need to focus on those positive things, right?  If my girl can be called "courageous" after all she has been through, surely I can hang in there too.

It's already past midnight in Addis Ababa.  My girl is sleeping her way into the new year.  Is it possible to miss someone you've never even met?  'Cause I think I do.

Welcome 2010.

7 comments:

Eryn said...

Oh, Gayla, I haer you about missing some you don't even know. Our 5 year old keeps telling me, 'mommy, I miss her sooo much!" I just love his little heart.

Hang it there...that is SUCH a bummer about the missing luggage and your sweet care package! Hoping you get your update and court date soon!

Gail said...

Gayla-

So sorry about your care package. You are so right that those packages are about us and connecting to a child whom we have never met. We want to meet their needs from so far way.

Hoping you will see some gorgeous smiles in the next set of pictures you receive.

Anjanette said...

You're so sweet! You're not being too emotional. You're a mother, and I love that you miss her.

Lindsey said...

Gayla,

Hold on girl! I know exactly where you are and I know that there are NONE of my friends and family who truly understand. The tears, the not sleeping, the constant worrying, I know I really need to suck it up but then I get lost in their pictures and I am again reduced to tears. Praying for fast courtdates and properly delivered packages. Maybe we'll be in the same travel group?


Hugs and Love,

Lindsey

Kerri said...

I'm so sorry about your care package. I'm glad you'll be able to have another one delivered soon. Hugs to you and your sweet little girl!

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Oh, man, I would so be crying too!! Nothing to do but hope that they find their way to some other precious 2 year old girl who is blessed by them.

Sohailah said...

Thanks for your honesty - I love reading it - it makes me feel connected to you!

I was going to run that race but got too tired and didn't know where it was. Where was it? On Peoria? HOW was it?

Selam! G'day! Hello!