Frustrated.

I just realized today that CIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services- formerly INS) is waiting on our home study documents before they will call for us to go be fingerprinted (again) and that after that their approval will take approximately 60 days. What that translates to is that although I was hoping to have ALL paperwork in by the end of May, which after everything is approved puts us on the official "waiting" list to be matched w/ children, now that's at least one month off the timeline I've had stuck in my head. So that sends me off on a tailspin in my mind. "Are we behind? Have I not been diligent enough? Could I have been more organized and efficient and put us where we need to be???" See? Tailspin. But when I calmed myself down I realized that truly all of this is out of my control. As far as I know our homestudy docs are at the agency and they are doing whatever they are supposed to do with them before they send them on to me for me to copy and then send to my dossier service and to the CIS office. And at that point the CIS office will start whatever it is that takes them 60 days, tell us to get fingerprinted again, etc... So really, there's nothing I can do about it. But be patient and wait. And trust that the timing is all working out the way it is supposed to work out.

I have tried not to get dates stuck in my head, but it is very hard not to. When I read the country updates each month that give the new approximate time frames for everything it's impossible not to start adding up the time and landing on a month in 2010 when we might be able to travel to Ethiopia to get our children... but I know that is foolish. All I can control is my part of the paperwork, which I do feel I have been diligent about, and then just relax and have faith that there is a perfect timing that is working it's way out for the best possible outcome. And even for me to think that all of the paperwork would be finished by the end of May was assuming that I was in charge of all of it, which I obviously am not.

SO! A lesson learned. Deep breath being taken right now. Tension being released... trying to release tension... trying... I think I need a massage.