Wednesday, March 11, 2009

whew!

Well, the homestudy went GREAT!!! Our social worker, Andrea, was super sweet and really put me at ease. It ended up being almost 5 hours- probably because I tend to go on too long w/ my answers. But when she asked us things like, "What are your thoughts and feelings about your birth mother?" I couldn't help but burst into tears and then go on and on with things I have stated on this blog already about how difficult it must be for her. The truth is, children in Ethiopia (and everywhere) end up in orphanages for many reasons: death of parents, dire poverty that makes the parents want more for their children to the point of being willing to relinquish their parental rights, and abandonment. While I choose to think of our birth mother as loving her children desperately, it's pretty naive to assume this is always the case. When Andrea then asked me if my thoughts would change at all if we found out that our children were simply abandoned, I answered honestly that no, I didn't think so. I hope this won't be the case, but again- it's a naive hope. I plan to be totally up front and honest w/ our children when they ask about their story, (in an age-appropriate way, of course) but it would be so much nicer to be able to tell them that their mommy wanted the best for them and made plans accordingly than to tell them they were found wandering in a village. She also brought up some good points about not sharing the children's story w/ other people. Think of it this way: if I told you that my children were found abandoned in a ditch, wouldn't that come into your mind every time you saw them? That story should be theirs to tell if they ever want to - not mine to share with others before they even know it. All in all it was a very interesting and informative day.

...and E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.!!! I totally crashed after she left. And I'm still feeling both the relief and the exhaustion now. But... it's over and now I can get back to focusing on getting all the needed documents together for the Dossier. So much to do...

7 comments:

Just Mom said...

"... if I told you that my children were found abandoned in a ditch, wouldn't that come into your mind every time you saw them? That story should be theirs to tell if they ever want to - not mine to share with others before they even know it."

Oh absolutely! That's why some of the more interesting things about "Just Son" are never shared on my blog.

Just Mom said...

Glad it went well and that you can breathe a little more now.

How's that FB fast going, by the way? I don't miss it at all.

Michelle Grace said...

So glad it went well for you. Each step is such a monumental one in the whole process. I'm really excited for you all!

Heidi Jo said...

my dear friend who adopted her daughter from ethiopia found out that her birth name, given by her birth mother was sifan...meaning for your sake. isn't that beautiful? that the mother knew she was doing what was best.

but even if that is not the case, it is a beautiful gift given on both sides.

did you let the boys play with legos when she left?

Sohailah said...

I love it. thank you for sharing and that is a great point that Andrea made. love you so much! Can't wait to hear about the next step.

Justine said...

Gayla!

I am excited to hear about your adoptions! I am in the process of adopting a boy from Hong Kong. I look forward to following your journey.

:)
Justine (from ORU)

Greers said...

Thank you so much for sharing about your home study and the perspective Andrea had on our childrens' stories. I have been sharing our Myles' story with our close friends, but I think it's more because it's my way of grieving this loss and processing it. I needed to see Andrea's point of view--and I think it's changed the way I go about sharing. I am so excited for you and your adoption!!! If you'd like to see pics of our Myles, please feel free to e-mail me, we can't post his picture until our court date passes.

Selam! G'day! Hello!