Changes...

How do you know when God is trying to tell you something? How do you distinguish between reason and fear and the voice of the Holy Spirit? I wish I had a totally easy answer for those questions. But the truth is I get hung up sometimes- over thinking things and trying to reason with myself... when the bottom line is always PEACE. You have to go where there is peace.

Lately I have been thinking about the part of our story when I first felt like God was dropping the desire to adopt into my heart. I felt like I "heard" His voice. You know- not audible, but like a thought was dropped into my head that I knew didn't come from me. Bigger and better than the thoughts I think. An idea I wouldn't have come up with on my own, but feels right somehow. Anyway... when I heard that voice it said "...I want you to adopt a daughter." And that is what has been rolling around in my mind and heart lately. A daughter. Singular. A. One. Hmmmmmmm... Mick and I got the idea that as long as we were helping out one child we may as well help out two, and quite frankly, it's cheaper in the long run to adopt two at once than one now and one later. Plus we thought of how much it would mean to a child to have a blood sibling to grow up with. Plus then you wouldn't be the only child who looked like you in the family. Plus it would be so great to have this common culture and language and history... So many reasons we could think of that make it seem like a good, no a GREAT thing. But... But. That voice. A. Hmmmmmm...

So, I called our case worker Sara and discussed lots and lots and lots of things with her. And the end result is that we are still on the 'list' for siblings, but we are also on the 'list' for a single child. ...And then came the peace. So I know it was the right decision. And now I truly feel like it is in God's hands. Sara assured us that sometimes when people wait for either one the sibling call comes first. So who knows? All I know is that I needed the peace, and I got it when we put ourselves on the list for either. One child, two children... all that really matters is that it's God's plan.