Thursday, February 25, 2010

You, too, can be normal.

I like honesty.  I like reading blogs from people who are honest, even when that is hard.  I think I do best in my life when whatever I am going through falls into the category of "normal."  Not that I am striving for mediocre or the status quo, not at all.  

Understand it this way: when your first child becomes a toddler and suddenly stops eating what do you do?  YOU FREAK OUT!!!  You panic and think he is going to starve.  By the third day of not eating you are in tears because you are sure that his brain isn't going to develop properly and probably his muscles are starting to atrophy right before your eyes due to malnutrition.  But after a few (tearful) calls to the pediatrician and a few more to your friends who have kids just a few months older than yours and you are totally reassured that this crazy toddler behavior is totally NORMAL and happens to them all and you relax.   So when the next child stops eating you just shrug and go, "Oh well!" because you know it's normal and that he will eat when he is hungry.  

Well, that's what honest blogs do to help me.  They help me to know what the broad range of normal is and what to possibly expect at each turn in the road.  All through this adoption experience I have loved reading honest blogs by people who have gone before me in the process so that I can see what possibly to expect all along the way.  I would love to do that for someone else.  So I'm gonna be honest about what has been going on the past couple of weeks.

My husband and I have been fighting like a couple of Jr. High kids.  

So there you have it.  When you have your referral and have passed court and are preparing your home to welcome your new addition and you both start to let the stress get to you and you have a great big blow out fight, just think to yourself, "Gayla said this might happen." and then just take a deep breath, drink a glass of wine, and relax.  We lived through it.  You will too.

And although I will spare you the details, just know that no matter how bad your fight with your spouse gets, as long as you don't find yourself yelling, "NO, as a matter of fact you DON'T get to have an opinion!"  you'll know that you are doing better than me.  

And I lived to tell.  So you will too.  :-)

12 comments:

Eryn said...

Oh, wow. Thanks for being honest! LOL. Feels good, doesnt't it?

emily said...

So sorry to hear this but do know it is normal. The enemy hates adoption, hates that you passed court and WILL be bringing your daughter home and he has lost what he might have had if she stayed in Ethiopia, helpless.......so now it is normal (makes me mad) that he would go after your marriage! He is out to rob, kill and destroy this whole experience for you guys. Hang in there, it will pass and soon you will both be oogling over your beautiful daughter and laughing at things that came out of your mouth. :)

I love me so honesty, so thank you.

J Gutwein said...

:). Love, J

Heidi Jo said...

you freakishly normal gal you :0) is it safe to say that you two have been under a small amount of stress?

Sohailah said...

I LOVE that you are normal and honest. And someday I too will have a husband to fight with.

Can't wait to see you in DC! Have you reserved for Fords yet? You want the Ranger/Museum tickets - just gives more options.

Jamey... said...

Shoot, you should have seen us when we were DOING THE HOMESTUDY!!! We were smiling and sweet to each other in the presence of the social worker, but the rest of the time we were fighting like mad. We had nothing civil to say to each other. It was nuts. We're good now. I think it's just stress, stress, stress! I fully expect another batch of fighting before travel too!

Anonymous said...

We too just passed court, and find it stressful with all the plans! You definately are NOT alone!!
Praying for peace!!

Mark and Heidi said...

Oh, Gayla, you are too cute. I probably shouldn't have but this made me laugh out loud. Good luck with all of it! Once you are on that plane and all the crazy planning is behind you I'm sure you will be able to breath a sigh of relief...until your next crazy but beautiful normal begins!!! :-)

Charissa said...

Honest blogs are the best, I agree! Since you're being honest, I'll be honest too, and warn you that you MIGHT feel a little bit at first like you are babysitting and not like you have a new daughter. It was one of those things nobody talks about post-adoption but is very common with adoptive families. I experienced this and because nobody had warned me I felt very alone and terrible about myself. Being a part of an online adoption group has helped tremendously. And don't worry everything is fine now but it did take several months before I really felt the same kind of love I felt for my bio kids. I remember vividly the day 'it' happened. I was sitting at a stop light and I turned around to look at her and she was staring at me. She gave me the sweetest grin, and without warning maternal love hormones gushed through my body and I suddenly I realized....I DO love her! Like I said, it might not happen to you, but if it does, then you can say, "OH Charissa did tell me about this."

Anonymous said...

Very honest of Charissa! That very thing happened when we adopted my 2 yr old daughter!(now 5)! She is such a major part of our family, but it sure started out rough, to say the least....

Gayla said...

Charissa!!! That is possibly the BEST advice I have received this entire journey.

Thank you. I am going to tuck that little gem away and bring it out just when we need it.

You are awesome.

Nikki said...

Hilarious! We were fighting like jr. high kids when we returned home. Not sure which is worse?!?

I just kept thinking how in the world did we ever get those glowing remarks from our home study! And would we still pass our home study if they saw us acting this way?!?

But it all passed and it's good. Life is crazy sometimes, isn't it?!

Selam! G'day! Hello!