...but so far, no luck!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Billy Joel is my new BFF
Wait, what I meant to write up there was that I went to see Billy Joel WITH my BFF!!! ha. Yes, last night Kelly and I went to the long awaited Billy Joel / Elton John concert and it was sooooooo great!
Here's Kelly and I on my porch before the concert:
And here's Kel posing w/ the sign at the BOK center (very nice, btw! way to go Tulsa!)
But when we went to find out seats...
...yes... that's the BACK WALL behind Kel there!!! We were on the VERY LAST ROW!!!! Which we could have dealt with if that were our only problem. BUT... when the concert started and we realized that the jumbo tron screen was 90% blocked by a big curtain, well, that just wasn't acceptable. So my girl from New Jersey went to do something about it. She missed Billy and Eton doing a duet on "My Life", but it was soooooooooo worth it b/c she found grace w/ the nicest man who was in charge of guest services and he GOT US NEW SEATS!!!! WAAAAAAAAY BETTER SEATS!!!!!!!!! We went from the very last row to here:
(that's a pic of Kelly with Billy, in case you were wondering.)
WooHoo!!! It was a great show and it was awesome to share it w/ Kel. What a night!!!
Here's Kelly and I on my porch before the concert:
And here's Kel posing w/ the sign at the BOK center (very nice, btw! way to go Tulsa!)
But when we went to find out seats...
...yes... that's the BACK WALL behind Kel there!!! We were on the VERY LAST ROW!!!! Which we could have dealt with if that were our only problem. BUT... when the concert started and we realized that the jumbo tron screen was 90% blocked by a big curtain, well, that just wasn't acceptable. So my girl from New Jersey went to do something about it. She missed Billy and Eton doing a duet on "My Life", but it was soooooooooo worth it b/c she found grace w/ the nicest man who was in charge of guest services and he GOT US NEW SEATS!!!! WAAAAAAAAY BETTER SEATS!!!!!!!!! We went from the very last row to here:
(that's a pic of Kelly with Billy, in case you were wondering.)
WooHoo!!! It was a great show and it was awesome to share it w/ Kel. What a night!!!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
whew!
Well, the homestudy went GREAT!!! Our social worker, Andrea, was super sweet and really put me at ease. It ended up being almost 5 hours- probably because I tend to go on too long w/ my answers. But when she asked us things like, "What are your thoughts and feelings about your birth mother?" I couldn't help but burst into tears and then go on and on with things I have stated on this blog already about how difficult it must be for her. The truth is, children in Ethiopia (and everywhere) end up in orphanages for many reasons: death of parents, dire poverty that makes the parents want more for their children to the point of being willing to relinquish their parental rights, and abandonment. While I choose to think of our birth mother as loving her children desperately, it's pretty naive to assume this is always the case. When Andrea then asked me if my thoughts would change at all if we found out that our children were simply abandoned, I answered honestly that no, I didn't think so. I hope this won't be the case, but again- it's a naive hope. I plan to be totally up front and honest w/ our children when they ask about their story, (in an age-appropriate way, of course) but it would be so much nicer to be able to tell them that their mommy wanted the best for them and made plans accordingly than to tell them they were found wandering in a village. She also brought up some good points about not sharing the children's story w/ other people. Think of it this way: if I told you that my children were found abandoned in a ditch, wouldn't that come into your mind every time you saw them? That story should be theirs to tell if they ever want to - not mine to share with others before they even know it. All in all it was a very interesting and informative day.
...and E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.!!! I totally crashed after she left. And I'm still feeling both the relief and the exhaustion now. But... it's over and now I can get back to focusing on getting all the needed documents together for the Dossier. So much to do...
...and E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.!!! I totally crashed after she left. And I'm still feeling both the relief and the exhaustion now. But... it's over and now I can get back to focusing on getting all the needed documents together for the Dossier. So much to do...
Monday, March 9, 2009
Tomorrow = Homestudy
RIGHT NOW my house is cleaner and neater than it ever has been before... or probably ever will be again!!! EVERY room is nigh perfect! And it had better stay that way until noon tomorrow when our homestudy starts. I even wiped off the leaves of the plants! (and we have a lot of plants.) It lasts until 4, by the way. Yes. 12-4. Four hours. And then after that my boys can actually play with legos again! They probably think I'm crazy with how I've been about the house for the past few days. I'm so curious as to what they will say when the social worker interviews them. The last time I asked them what they thought adoption was Ben answered, "When you buy a baby!" and Jack said, "When you let some kids be in your family because their family isn't a very good one." Hmmmmmm... believe it or not, these are NOT the things I have told them about adoption. It will all be very interesting.
24 hours from now it will be over and I will be drinking wine and relaxing in a less-than-perfect house. Aaaaaaahhhhhh.
(see plant w/ extra shiny leaves below)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
THE Homestudy!!!
If you happen to be reading this on Facebook, don't worry. I haven't broken my FB fast to post this as a note. My blog is set to automatically upload onto FB. So far I've been w/o it for almost a week and it feels pretty good! It's not that I think FB is bad... just that I perhaps have a problem w/ moderation that needed to be squashed and replaced w/ doing things that are good for me and the world and that bring me closer to God. But I digress...
ONE WEEK from today we have our homestudy! This means that a total stranger will come into my house for 4 hours w/ the sole purpose of JUDGING ME! AAAAAAAUGH!!!!! No, I know that's not what it's all about. But that's what it feels like! I spoke to her on the phone and she sounds very nice and friendly and did her best to set my mind at ease... but I'm still nervous. I've got a list of things that MUST be done around the house before she comes. Things like:
Steam clean all carpets
Dust the tops of all door frames
Take down all curtains, wash them, and re-hang
...along w/ all the 'regular' cleaning and organizing stuff. But really, the house is only part of what makes me nervous. I know she's not coming to do a white glove test, but more to get to know who we are and why we want to adopt. I get nervous thinking about answering questions like, "How prepared do you feel for the challenges that a multi-racial family will present?" Or, "What will you do to ensure that your child stays in touch w/ their culture and heritage?" Or, "What will you do if your child is not attaching well to your family, or vice-versa?" Or, "What will you do if your family doesn't seem to blend well and your older kids are having a problem w/ the younger kids post-adoption?" It's not that I haven't thought through these things and don't have answers.... it's just that I don't think my answers are very good. Because although I'm reading a lot and talking to people and asking questions, and preparing myself for all possible eventualities, academic preparedness can only take you so far. Then you just have to jump in with both feet. And really... I have no idea if these are the questions she will ask. These are the questions I am asking, and therefore feel unprepared to answer.
But... I'm sure it will all be fine. But in the mean time... is that dust I see on the ceiling fan blades???
ONE WEEK from today we have our homestudy! This means that a total stranger will come into my house for 4 hours w/ the sole purpose of JUDGING ME! AAAAAAAUGH!!!!! No, I know that's not what it's all about. But that's what it feels like! I spoke to her on the phone and she sounds very nice and friendly and did her best to set my mind at ease... but I'm still nervous. I've got a list of things that MUST be done around the house before she comes. Things like:
Steam clean all carpets
Dust the tops of all door frames
Take down all curtains, wash them, and re-hang
...along w/ all the 'regular' cleaning and organizing stuff. But really, the house is only part of what makes me nervous. I know she's not coming to do a white glove test, but more to get to know who we are and why we want to adopt. I get nervous thinking about answering questions like, "How prepared do you feel for the challenges that a multi-racial family will present?" Or, "What will you do to ensure that your child stays in touch w/ their culture and heritage?" Or, "What will you do if your child is not attaching well to your family, or vice-versa?" Or, "What will you do if your family doesn't seem to blend well and your older kids are having a problem w/ the younger kids post-adoption?" It's not that I haven't thought through these things and don't have answers.... it's just that I don't think my answers are very good. Because although I'm reading a lot and talking to people and asking questions, and preparing myself for all possible eventualities, academic preparedness can only take you so far. Then you just have to jump in with both feet. And really... I have no idea if these are the questions she will ask. These are the questions I am asking, and therefore feel unprepared to answer.
But... I'm sure it will all be fine. But in the mean time... is that dust I see on the ceiling fan blades???
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wow.
I just read the following this morning in the introduction to a book called Red Letters by Tom Davis. It says so clearly what I have been thinking and feeling for years now but have been to inarticulate (or too judgmental or too weak) to put down in words. So I'm just going to copy it right here. It is truth.
"An Apology...
The Christian church owes an apology to the almost fifty million individuals in our world currently infected with HIV/AIDS.
Those of us who claim to follow Christ's teachings should be ashamed for what little we've done to help the countless millions of women, children, and orphans who have died or are dying. Entire nations are going up in flames while we watch them burn.
Bono and the supporters of the ONE campaign are right to use words like "crisis" and "emergency" when talking about the situation in Africa. The continent is on fire with AIDS, and unless drastic action is taken, entire countries will be wiped off the face of the planet by this disease.
Sadly, the church has been slow to act in response to this crisis. Like the priest and the Levite of Jesus' parable, we have passed by the man on the side of the road, too busy or too "holy" to involve ourselves in lending a helping hand.
Africa is indeed on fire. But as we argue or fuss about how it started and who should be saved first, thousands more children are orphaned each day. Every hour, another one thousand children will die. Did you know that you are just a short plane ride away from a world where eight-year-old girls prostitute themselves for food?
The true state of emergency lies within the church- it lies within us. It's our problem. We can't leave Africa's children lying by the side of the road as we pass on by.
...History will judge our generation by how we responded to those in need. History will judge the church by how it responded. We have an opportunity to show the world what it truly means to be Christ-followers.
We can make a difference. We can change the world. When we lead with compassion, we can move from apology to action. And out of action springs hope- hope and life.
So, for our mistakes... I am sorry. But for our potential, for the impact you and I can have on a world in need... I am hopeful."
Please do not think that I write this from a place of "I'M doing something... what are YOU doing???" Not at all. Indeed if you know me even a little you know that my hesitation and reluctance at accepting this huge task have been embarrassing to me. I've been mortified to face the fact that I AM the one in Jesus' parable who has looked the other way and walked on by. Yes, in my heart I have cared, cared deeply. But guess what? Caring doesn't really help anyone. It's like loving someone but never telling them that you do- it simply doesn't count. The only thing that counts is doing something. And not just talking about how much you care. Demonstrating that care. Sacrificing my cushy life so that someone else might have life. Period.
Africa is our neighbor. And Jesus said to love your neighbor as you love yourself. He even said this was the second most important commandment, right after loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. We are failing at this command. We have to change. I have to change.
God- help me change. Help me to live simply so that others might simply live.
"An Apology...
The Christian church owes an apology to the almost fifty million individuals in our world currently infected with HIV/AIDS.
Those of us who claim to follow Christ's teachings should be ashamed for what little we've done to help the countless millions of women, children, and orphans who have died or are dying. Entire nations are going up in flames while we watch them burn.
Bono and the supporters of the ONE campaign are right to use words like "crisis" and "emergency" when talking about the situation in Africa. The continent is on fire with AIDS, and unless drastic action is taken, entire countries will be wiped off the face of the planet by this disease.
Sadly, the church has been slow to act in response to this crisis. Like the priest and the Levite of Jesus' parable, we have passed by the man on the side of the road, too busy or too "holy" to involve ourselves in lending a helping hand.
Africa is indeed on fire. But as we argue or fuss about how it started and who should be saved first, thousands more children are orphaned each day. Every hour, another one thousand children will die. Did you know that you are just a short plane ride away from a world where eight-year-old girls prostitute themselves for food?
The true state of emergency lies within the church- it lies within us. It's our problem. We can't leave Africa's children lying by the side of the road as we pass on by.
...History will judge our generation by how we responded to those in need. History will judge the church by how it responded. We have an opportunity to show the world what it truly means to be Christ-followers.
We can make a difference. We can change the world. When we lead with compassion, we can move from apology to action. And out of action springs hope- hope and life.
So, for our mistakes... I am sorry. But for our potential, for the impact you and I can have on a world in need... I am hopeful."
Please do not think that I write this from a place of "I'M doing something... what are YOU doing???" Not at all. Indeed if you know me even a little you know that my hesitation and reluctance at accepting this huge task have been embarrassing to me. I've been mortified to face the fact that I AM the one in Jesus' parable who has looked the other way and walked on by. Yes, in my heart I have cared, cared deeply. But guess what? Caring doesn't really help anyone. It's like loving someone but never telling them that you do- it simply doesn't count. The only thing that counts is doing something. And not just talking about how much you care. Demonstrating that care. Sacrificing my cushy life so that someone else might have life. Period.
Africa is our neighbor. And Jesus said to love your neighbor as you love yourself. He even said this was the second most important commandment, right after loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. We are failing at this command. We have to change. I have to change.
God- help me change. Help me to live simply so that others might simply live.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Paperwork Round 1 and a Question
Well... I just came from the FedEx office where I mailed a TON of paperwork to Gladney! I have been working out of this file box for 6 weeks now and had it all labeled in the three groups Gladney suggested... but I finished them all around the same time so I just mailed them ALL together! Is it weird that I felt a little attached to the paperwork? Like I was a little scared to let it go? Not scared that I didn't do it right, just like I enjoyed having it around as a reminder of what we are doing. Strange, huh? But off it goes and will be at the Gladney office at 10:30am tomorrow!
It's all starting to get very real and exciting to me. Not real in an "I'm freaking out again" kind of way- real in a very sweet and precious way. Like my heart is finally where it needs to be. I'm excited!!!
I've been praying a lot for my children's mother. I can't explain the connection I feel with her. I know that if she is still living she has a very deep ache in her heart knowing that she cannot raise her children. Just put yourself in those shoes for a moment. Knowing that you cannot raise your children- either because of your health, unimaginable poverty, or any circumstance at all. It must be the worst feeling in the world. When I try to put myself in that situation (which I cannot manage for more than a few seconds without crying) I know that my heart's deepest cry would be for someone to take care of my kids- to love them and feed them and clothe them and give them a home... and to above all let them know how deeply, achingly deeply they were loved by me. Are other mothers around the world any different? The luck of our birth put us in different and unfair circumstances, but I believe mothers are the same everywhere. We love our children and devote our very lives to them. We live for them. Ensuring that they are equipped to be all that they are meant to be is the very purpose for our existence. Imagine not being able to do that- what fear and what dread that must create. I feel a sisterhood- a kinship with this woman. I hope I am able to learn a lot of information about her so that I can pass that on to her/my children someday. I know they will one day want to know all they can about this woman who gave them life and then had to give them up. I already feel obligated to her- indebted to her. Like I need to be a better person for her. Her kids deserve to be loved and taken care of and cherished, and the person who deserves to be able to do that is HER. I will never forget that. But since she, my sister, cannot have that privilege, I must do my best to pick up where she will leave off. Her heart is crying out for someone, some family to come along and love her children and raise them since she cannot.
If not my family, then who?
It's all starting to get very real and exciting to me. Not real in an "I'm freaking out again" kind of way- real in a very sweet and precious way. Like my heart is finally where it needs to be. I'm excited!!!
I've been praying a lot for my children's mother. I can't explain the connection I feel with her. I know that if she is still living she has a very deep ache in her heart knowing that she cannot raise her children. Just put yourself in those shoes for a moment. Knowing that you cannot raise your children- either because of your health, unimaginable poverty, or any circumstance at all. It must be the worst feeling in the world. When I try to put myself in that situation (which I cannot manage for more than a few seconds without crying) I know that my heart's deepest cry would be for someone to take care of my kids- to love them and feed them and clothe them and give them a home... and to above all let them know how deeply, achingly deeply they were loved by me. Are other mothers around the world any different? The luck of our birth put us in different and unfair circumstances, but I believe mothers are the same everywhere. We love our children and devote our very lives to them. We live for them. Ensuring that they are equipped to be all that they are meant to be is the very purpose for our existence. Imagine not being able to do that- what fear and what dread that must create. I feel a sisterhood- a kinship with this woman. I hope I am able to learn a lot of information about her so that I can pass that on to her/my children someday. I know they will one day want to know all they can about this woman who gave them life and then had to give them up. I already feel obligated to her- indebted to her. Like I need to be a better person for her. Her kids deserve to be loved and taken care of and cherished, and the person who deserves to be able to do that is HER. I will never forget that. But since she, my sister, cannot have that privilege, I must do my best to pick up where she will leave off. Her heart is crying out for someone, some family to come along and love her children and raise them since she cannot.
If not my family, then who?
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